Idiot Games

We settled into our site in Williamsburg late in the morning; we were visiting Jeff and Julie for the weekend. We had an uneventful trip up from Florida over the past couple of days. Weather and road conditions were all fine. Chris was off running errands and I was doing a little work on the computer.

It was such an ordinary afternoon, this. Who could have guessed what was about to happen…

I just had a moment of such immense stupidity, it defies measure. It deserves the Stupidest of the Stupidest Award. The Gene Pool Would Be Better Without You Award. So stupid I’m embarrassed to tell it….but when has embarrassment ever stopped me before?

It want something like this…

I reached for the iPod remote control in my usual graceful way and somehow knocked over a picture, which knocked over another picture, which knocked over a tray leaning against the window which

........i ..n....... s.. ..l.. o.. w ..........m ..o.. t.. i.. o...n

knocked over the big, tall, cool glass of water I had just poured for myself onto the table. The table with my digital camera, my pocket book, my cell phone, calendar, address book AND MY COMPUTER.

The only thing the water missed was the dog - only because he was on the other side of the room.

I would like to say after the initial shock, I calmly rescued the contents of the table top and swiftly wiped up the spill. NOT.

What ensued was me channeling Lucille Ball - with her hair on fire. Or a three Stooges vignette. It could even be called, if I do say so myself, a Basil Fawlty moment. If there had been two of me I would have slammed into myself.

“Grab a towel, you idiot!!” my Mind screamed.

NO I thought

Pick up the computer NO the camera oh God, the phone NO the books - they’re paper!

“A TOWEL, A TOWEL.” Mind keeps screaming. over.and.over.

I’m not sure if this conversation when on in my head or out loud, but I heard something that sounded like a cat howling in the distance.

The argument between me and my Mind continued for a few more seconds until Reason chimed in with a compromise. The carpet will act like a towel.

RIGHT … throw it all on the floor. Since the dog was now hopping around enjoying the new game, all 85 pounds of him, scrap that plan. Maybe I should have grabbed the dog, I could have used his curly butt to sop up the mess.

Finally, I just gathered it all up and took it to the little, tiny, itsy bitsy dish towel at the kitchen sink.

I think all is ok…at least I’m typing this on the computer and it seems to be working. Water has stopped running out of the phone and the camera has stopped making that funny gurgling noise when I turn it on.

Sigh…

And people wonder why I drink.