Way back when dirt was still young, I planted my first garden bed here at the farm. This was an endeavor doomed from the beginning. Why you ask? Well, I’ll tell you…I knew, er, dirt about gardening. Off I prance out of the house one Saturday morning in my happy little gardener outfit, complete with hat. Trowel in hand, I savage the lawn where I want to site the new bed.

Okay, Plan B, ask Chris to get a shovel and “just go turn the sod over and dig down a little bit.” Polite society will not allow me to print his reply to that idea here.

Plan C, hire a rototiller. Now we’re talking. Power equipment. What’s the funny sound Tim Allen makes on Tool Time? Anyway, I had a couple of inches plowed up, thinking that would make a good bed. I went out and bought a billion plants - you know - one of this and one of that and stuck it all in the ground. Or more accurately, tucked each one between the sod lumps.

Time passed, the sun rose and sat, the seasons changed. The garden bed was mostly grass with a few struggling plants valiantly waving their little heads in the wind. “Help me…please don’t let me die here like this….” I hear voices often. But maybe I shouldn’t mention that…

Every time I looked at the Lolly bed, I felt like a failure. (Didn’t I mention I *name* all my garden beds? No? Well, I do!) I named it Lolly because I wanted to design a garden to honor my friend with the strong colors she so favors. Warm yellows, clear blues and pops of red. Never mind I planted apricot, white and pink. Never mind I planted Centaurea montana, also know as Bachelor Button, also known as the kudzu vine of the north, the most invasive, persistent, can’t kill it with Agent Orange flower…ever. Sigh.

Time to channel Scarlett O’Hara and swear as God made little green apples to never, ever plant bad garden again! So I studied, subscribed to a dozen garden magazines, scoured the internet, went on every garden tour possible, stalked garden owners and watched gardening programs on HGTV until I was in a coma. Still couldn’t design a garden bed to save my life.

But then…wait for it…I discovered…nope, I STILL got nothing. Can’t do it. But I wouldn’t run up to this and leave you hanging! So, here in pictures is the new Lolly garden bed. Freshly designed and planted by yours truly.

Bed prepared for replanting.

New plants set in place this week.

And voila…!

NOT!